It’s hard to write. And harder right now. In trying to figure out why, I realized that the move has made me inhabit a different personality. For the last several weeks, my main job has been finding information (for the loan application), creating a budget, researching workers, interviewing workers, supervising who is where (in the old house? In the new one?) and when. I am, at times, someone I would not like to work for.
When the painter promised me he would come on Saturday and then texted me that he would not only not start on Saturday, but not at all that whole week, I calmly demanded (there’s an oxymoron for you) that he find me a substitute. I stayed on him till he did. The substitute couldn’t show up on Saturday, but he showed up at 5:00 a.m. on Monday and didn’t leave till the inside of the house was painted, 17 hours later. True, I didn’t force it, but I think he just wanted me out of his hair.
All this scheduling and managing and time-watching doesn’t match up with writing. Which is odd, as I am an on-time writer. I’m used to schedules; I like deadlines. Nothing gets me going like an onrushing deadline.
But the project management and managing other people are both draining. Debilitating. I often expect things to fall into place and to run smoothly, which doesn’t happen often in real life. There is a part of me that hates to leave a day unscheduled so that the schedule can fall into place again. But it’s hugely important to do just that.
And I can’t write. It’s not writer’s block, it’s just that the personality that pushes and manages and back-steps and regroups and substitutes other workers and makes do and figures it out and gets it done is not the same personality that writes. How did I get to be this
old life experienced and not notice that before? I’m noticing it now.
The house goes on sale tomorrow night. Saturday is an open house. And after that, all that control and striving will need to fall away and patience set in. And waiting for a buyer is going to be the biggest challenge of all. I hope I can write about it.
—-Quinn McDonald hopes that there is someone looking for a cute, efficiently-laid out Arizona house in North Glendale. What’s an Arizona house? Xeriscaping instead of lawn, open floor plan, high ceilings, tile floors, stucco exterior, stucco fireplace and a pool surrounded by lemon, orange and fig trees.